Hi. It’s me.
Early-twenties, college-grad with a big, ready-for-action heart.
Heart for adventure and exploring and newness and FREEDOM.
Heart for connecting with others and loving them and wanting to see them step forth confidently into what God has for them.
Heart that loves to keep moving and learning…
Heart that ultimately, longs for adventure.
I’m ready! I’m ready!
Heart that… on the outside… looks like everything is great and things are “in-order” and well, everything’s ok.
But Heart that really… on the inside… is restless and hopeful and sometimes… well. Dissatisfied.
Dissatisfied with appearance.
Dissatisfied with “singleness.”
Dissatisfied with the pace of life.
It’s not that my heart is not joyful. Or that I’m totally down-in-the-dumps. But my heart is just enough dissatisfied that I’m afraid that I’ll miss what’s right in front of me.
The adventure that’s unfolding right in front of my eyes.
But since it’s not the adventure that I would choose right now… I’ve rendered it as not exciting enough.
Because, you see, the heart is the core of a person, and when my heart is focused on dissatisfaction and all the things that aren’t quite right… my eyes are focused on dissatisfaction and all the things that aren’t quite right.
Maybe I can try to close my eyes and focus them on the right things, but if my heart’s out of focus, so will my eyes be.
See. I can’t stop looking and seeing dissatisfaction if my heart is seeing dissatisfaction. It’s a heart problem.
So often I do this…
Hmm.. God. I would be happy if you gave me __________. (fill in the blank). Or if I looked like ____________. Or if I just knew __________.
THEN. I could focus on you and see all your blessings. THEN I could walk forth in what you’ve given me and called me to.
Well. Hmmm. Has that ever worked before?
To be honest. No.
I went through a time in my life where I really struggled with identity and finding any worth in myself. I thought that if I worked harder and ran more and performed better and had a better image… that I would be satisfied. But I never was. I was so blind to everything and dealt with a lot of self-hatred and am still healing from this.
I look back now at that time and wonder how in the world I was so blind to who I was. How I was so dissatisfied with myself when, back then, I was i.e. a faster runner.. more fit etc. If at any time, I should have been satisfied then! I really had it good. And then I start thinking, to be satisfied now, I just have to re-achieve those things.. that fitness.. that image.
But if it never made me happy before, why would things change now?
God has been showing me that true satisfaction can never come from the things that I own.
Or the title I possess.
The image I have.
The people that I’m with.
Whether I’m single or dating or married.
Those are great things. A lot of them are gifts and are meant to be enjoyed.
But satisfaction is heart material. Not physical or status-related. It’s woven into the threads and passageways of that beating mass that we call the heart.
Satisfaction is trusting God with our lives – trusting Him that He knows the desires of our hearts and that He has made us perfectly and completely.
It’s a hard but really simple truth: satisfaction is being grateful for who you are – where you are – what you are doing – because the Good Shepherd has formed you and directed you and surrounds you now.
Living satisfied is living in trust. Living in the reality that your Good Father is looking out for you.
That He has a purpose for this season of life.
Living satisfied is the healthy-heart-kind-of-living where my eyes will be focused on the right things. Focused on what He wants me to see.
If I can’t be satisfied with where He has me right now – I won’t be satisfied later.
Lord, please help us. Please open our eyes to see the blessings right in front of us. To see the adventures right in front of us.
Please work on our hearts. Remove the poison of dissatisfaction and discontentment.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Ps. 51:10
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
Ask the Lord… “Am I satisfied in you?”