Searching, restless heart

Why do I feel like I’m always searching – running after so many different things and then when they’re gone…

I feel empty.

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My heart is restless and inside I’m constantly pacing back and forth.

Searching, searching for that thing that will finally satisfy the craving of my soul. My cravings to be loved and pursued. To be completely enveloped in the love of someone who has eyes for just me.

Sometimes, I feel so much JOY and Peace in Jesus. But then there’s times where I just feel so discontent. And I get frustrated because you’d think by now I’d realize that it’s only Jesus who can fill this hole. And that I’d see all that He’s done for me and the people and things He’s surrounded me with. But it’s so easy to get misled.

Misled to believe that people or things or our own personal successes are what are going to satisfy us.

For me, I love approval from people. I work so hard for it.  It’s as if I’m performing this dance for an audience over and over again. Trying to catch their eye and get them to notice me and see me as special. To accept and choose me.

When I feel like I’ve finally done that – captured someone’s attention, then I feel fulfilled and satisified for a while. But when they leave, or the spotlight moves somewhere else, then I’m just empty again. So I continue to dance and dance- growing so weary.

Another area that I feel like is going to make me content is acheiving a certain body image. When I look in the mirror in the morning and am confident in how I look, then, oh man, I’m just sailing through the day and feeling so happy with myself. But the minute I start worrying about my appearance or comparing my image to other girls’, then all that joy goes down the drain and I’m left out on the curb. Feeling so worthless.

I’m believing the lie that if I could only finally achieve a certain “look,” be an excellent runner, get recognized for something special, or meet the guy God has for me, then I’d be content and satisfied.

I feel like I’m constanly waiting and searching and working for that day when I think I’ll finally reach a peace in my heart and find this thing that I’m searching for.

But the funny this is that it’s already available to me. I don’t have to wait any longer. Jesus says He is the way, the Truth and the Life. And in Him is fullness of Joy and full life. Then why am I not experiencing that?

I guess a good question is.. where are my eyes?

Where am I searching? Am I searching Him out?

I know many of you have heard this before. That Jesus is life and our satisfier… but what I’m challenging us with is, do we actually believe it? And act in a way that shows we believe this?

I definitly need to examine my heart for this. I think one thing I need to do is acknowledge that God is the one I’m searching for. That He is the only one that can satisfy the deepest longings of your heart. Because He made you!

Jesus, won’t you give us a greater desire for you! To see that you bring true JOY and life. We so often don’t believe this because we don’t walk in it often enough.

“Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.” James 4:8

Beloved, He knows your heart and the desires and cries of your heart. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. In Him is rest for your soul and HE is what you’re searching after. Don’t give up. Look to Him and BE STILL.

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Take a few minutes and just listen to this song.

Beloved, I wish I could somehow express to you how much your Savior is in love with you. With YOU. Ask Him to show you that He is what you’re searching for.

“Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.” James 4:8

He desires you more than anything.

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